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Overall total postings: 1671
| 858 |
MamaBee |
N/A |
2005-11-10 |
16:05:28 |
| I also couldn't get on line on the 8th - but I had my Barnaby with me - and dear Billy - and we somewhat irreverantly hit the gaming tables in Las Vegas (stayed there as it was near to Death Valley) and Billy and I laughed so much at the idea that Anno would be laughing at us - sipping bloody Marys, and crying in front of the Wheel of Fortune... Then the morning light and a two hour drive to Death Valley and Zabriskie point just as I remembered it with the far mountains blue in the distance - and we stopped where Billy and Anno had stopped 6 years back, and played their guitars under a rock in the shape of a huge mushroom - and then realized they hadn't turn the recorder on.. So we put some ashes under a pile of stones and blew the others off the cliff top.... And I didn't cry because I felt so happy to be there, with dearest Barney and Billy deLuxe -- and with my memories of young Anno and Ned wading in the 6 inches of lake at Bad Water.. and the many carefree times we spent at Furnace Creek Ranch... But yes Ned -- you are right and Anno should still have all those things that you wrote about so eloquently - so heart breakingly - and it was only this morning when I read your words that the reality of what he had lost hit home and my tears broke free. So now I sit here in a funny little office room at Barney's apartment and they flow down my face like a river... But then I read your last lines -- and once again - you are right -- it IS the only salvation for us -- to go on with our lives and to fulfil and enjoy those experiences he was unable to have.. So now every happy moment I have - every adventure - I will share with Anno. We will have fine times Ned - with him on our shoulders, in our pockets, our rucksacks - "Hovering about us with his airy wings" .... I love and admire you so much, sweet boy. If it wasn't for the example of your courage and brave heart mine would have probably stopped beating long ago. And my Darling Lissy - other mother - who has been my comfort and solace for four years -- you too are the such an example to me and I thank you here - on this page - for holding me up when ever I crumpled... I am the luckiest mother alive. xxxxxxxxxx |
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| 857 |
N/A |
N/A |
2005-11-10 |
13:30:57 |
| Ned, I read and re-read your words in a blaze of tears, for -as Lissy says - they're exactly how I feel half the time were I honest enough to admit it. The belief that Anno's bold heart beats on is a dangerous comfort if it in any way leads to the sense that what happened was some sort of blessing in disguise. What happened leaves me raging, not just at nebulous fate but specifically at those culpable Italian police who pinned the blame on a scapegoat and packed him off to jail for a couple of years rather than admit their own ineptitude... but would the rage abate if they ever did come clean? If that replusive and aptly named (in Italian) Lieutenant Death - the one who behaved so despicably towards Isa - if his head were to roll as it does in my vengeful daydreams - would that drain the bile? Bollocks it would. But at least I draw enormous comfort from your evident belief that life is worth living, despite the devastating end to your childhood... which is a huge relief as I love you to bits xxx |
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| 856 |
lissy |
N/A |
2005-11-10 |
09:03:23 |
Thankyou Ned for putting it into words in a way that I
couldn't even begin to Lxxx |
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| 855 |
Ned |
N/A |
2005-11-09 |
18:14:31 |
| if you're asking about posting 852 twas me - didn't really feel like putting my name but since you asked I suppose I should take responsibility :) |
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| 854 |
bishopdante |
bishopdante@gmail.com |
2005-11-09 |
04:28:04 |
for carloz most certainly can write, but who is this scribbling
below? N/A will not do. Reveal yourself. |
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| 853 |
bishopdante |
bishopdante!@gmail.com |
2005-11-09 |
04:20:47 |
Ah yes carlo, for you are no longer sleeping. I doff my wizard's
cap to ya.
Today I spent living, as I do. Apart from about two hours when I
became a hamster in a wheel. 'Twas an interesting anniversary.
Not quite as interesting as last one, but nonetheless another
twist unfolds. And my bike exploded, giving me quite a fright.
In memory of my three totally irreplaceable, indispensible,
wonderful, inspired, living friends.
To Lee : You're such a cunt, now you're gone I'm being more of a
cunt than I would be if you were around. Goddamn it's hard
finding a bass player to fill your boots. Impossible, I suspect.
Sorry about your gear.
To Anno : Word, thems be good words you left. Some of them
dance around my head until it spins. I re-read and re-read and I
lose my breath. I sit down, I get back up and pace, I re-read.
Anno is one of the only people I ever met who was never lame or
crap to anybody, only late. Incredibly late. Or long. These days
I'm scared to pick up a paper and pen, for his shadow is so long.
To Alberto : Thanks, basically. And sorry about your gear.
Big shout out to the massive, scattered though we are.
-Da bishop. |
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| 852 |
N/A |
N/A |
2005-11-09 |
00:51:19 |
Goodbye.
I've said it before a hundred times,
yet I still can't stop saying it,
still can't quite beleive it.
I'm left with blunted pain,
entrenched longing,
hopeless wishing.
What makes this grief so hard to bare,
is impotence.
My hands are cut off,
all power to act stripped.
We are naked in the wind,
and are tormented by its howling.
Four long years evaporate before my eyes.
I see the highway,
the flashing blue lights,
the broken glass.
The rage at my inability to do a single thing boils out of me,
clouds my eyes.
It is only stroked calm by tears,
and caressed by dreadful resignation.
Yet still I resist.
Like an old idealist refusing to see
that his dream has been proved impossible.
You were wronged.
Your future was stolen.
We'll carry on trying to give it to you,
carry on shouting your name to the world.
Carry on playing your notes loud and clear.
Carry on spreading your thoughts to the race.
That's all we can do;
but that's not what you're missing.
You're missing that first cup of tea
in the morning,
that last glass of wine in the evening.
You're missing that chat in the kitchen,
that walk up the mountain.
You're missing chess by the fire,
that swim in the sea,
that nightmare traffic-jam,
crappy TV.
You're missing playing your guitar,
smoking cigarettes,
being appalled at world news,
getting angry at shit bands.
You're missing meeting new people,
hearing a new song,
going to parties,
having hangovers.
You're missing the thrill of creating,
the thrill of destroying,
the ecstacy of love,
the agony of heartbreak.
You're missing those arguments over nothing,
those annoying habits of others,
that embrace upon meeting,
that hug before leaving.
You're missing every day; every day that should have been yours to share with us.
You're missing what we can't give you,
so we must try to live it for you. |
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| 851 |
N/A |
N/A |
2005-11-08 |
18:30:32 |
| Four years have passed now and the wounds are still raw. I'll see you again someday boys, whenever that may be. x |
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| 850 |
N/A |
N/A |
2005-11-08 |
18:18:14 |
| Anno... Still remembering. Still savouring golden childhood memories... x |
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| 849 |
N/A |
N/A |
2005-11-08 |
15:54:32 |
| Thank you thank you - knowing so many are holding hands across cyberspace makes such a huge difference to this night of nights xxxx PS Jane's translation is on the Rabbit page, and bless you for it |
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